At some point, we've all been guilty of disseminating information to others out of the sheer pleasure of revealing dirty little secrets and seeing the reactions from the other party. But if this is your usual method of communication, you need to know that gossiping about your fellow Educators in and out of school can land you in hot water... or it will come back to haunt you later.
This week I started my first official week as a school administrator. I'm new to the district. No one has ever seen or heard from me before. So you can imagine my being shocked when people would "tell" or give me a "heads up" about some people in the school and district office. While I didn't stop them, I didn't ask questions to further the gossip spreading either. I have been thinking about that this weekend and not stopping gossip is just as bad as spreading it. So come Monday morning, if anyone has anything not so nice to say, I will stop them or simply tell them that I'll have to see for myself. I can't believe the things that people have told me. I mean, if you have no sense of where people's loyalty lies, why say something that could potentially get back to your employer? I have learned in a very difficult way that gossip, or "scuttlebutt" as the Marine Corps calls it, will ALWAYS get to someone unintended if you share your thoughts, unfiltered, with another. I wish I had something more profound to say than "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all", but I don't.
I know you may already know this. I didn't, at least not in the beginning of my career. I did not know as a teacher that any and everything you share with your colleagues will get back to someone... it always does. You don't want to be seen as a teacher with great potential and no loyalty, do you?
Here's what you need to know. Everyone who's employed is not sane. Of course we all know that everyone who teaches isn't sane either. If you don't believe me, read my posting on choosing your references carefully, CLICK HERE! I mean it takes a little bit of crazy to spend your day with children repeating the same information over and over again.
Because we of HIPPA laws, we don't know the health, integrity, and mental capacity of everyone we work with. You don't know another person's motivations, goals, etc... Since there is so MUCH you DON'T KNOW... let me tell you what you should know. Here are some tips on how to keep your mouth shut and stay employed:
1. NEVER, EVER, EVER share how you feel about another colleague with ANYONE remotely affiliated with your school, district, or heck, even county. Teaching is a small network You don't want anything you say out of anger, hurt feelings, or criticism to come back and haunt you later. The person who you talk about today could be the person that could potentially hire you or help you to get hired. If you feel so strongly that you want to say something about a colleague, tell your grandma. Call her up... only if grams isn't is a teacher, grandmas talk too.
2. NEVER, EVER, EVER share ANYTHING PERSONAL. Yeah, do I really have to tell you this? People keep a mental rolodex or others. Please know the MINUTE you get picked for lead teacher, department head or vice principal, people will flip to your section in their brain and the secrets you held so dear and shared that night at happy hour after three martinis will suddenly be revealed. Everyone has a past, but you need to not share that in your place of work. People rarely reveal what they really think of your past or present indiscretions. What they WILL do is tell someone else who will tell someone else about them. Just keep it to yourself. If you need to vent, hire a therapist or get a journal.
3. DON'T associate with the gossip circle. Ever heard of the expression "birds of a feather flock together?" There is merit to that phrase. Critics hang with other critics so they can talk about others and then one another when the other isn't around. These people are known as gossipers. Here's how to identify one: if within the first few days of interacting with this person they start to sneak in little digs about other people whom you don't know personally but work with too, avoid this person. If you tell them anything they will talk about you. If you don't say anything and allow the information to continue, they may assume your belief system is aligned with theirs. I pray its not and you don't want the reputation of hanging around the mean girls... or guys, do you?
4. NEVER, EVER throw someone under the bus. Think very carefully about how you answer questions or reveal information. Criticizing an idea or plan without knowing the constructor of the plan can be very dangerous. I once criticized the food of someone at a dinner party because I assumed the food was catered. Nope, the person who invited me and prepared the food was the person I told how much I hated the bean salad. Needless to say, I wasn't invited to the next dinner party and missed out on some great networking opportunities.
5. DON'T EVERY, EVER say "I would have done it like this..." Okay, almost everything looks easier than it is. BY openly discussing your ideas on how something could be improved, you're really telling others that the current idea sucks. You never know who's connected to who, just stay quiet and enjoy the event or idea someone else has worked hard over creating. Remember, you will be in that chair one day and you don't want all that negative energy hurled toward you.
6. NEVER, EVER criticize a colleague in the presence of students. Doing this is about as secretive has having a small engine plane carry a banner over your school. Students can't hold their bladder, let alone information about two teachers not getting along.
7. NEVER, EVER vent about work on a Social Network. Out of the 398 friends you have, someone is bound to be connected and bound to hate you. That's a dangerous recipe for someone who enjoys being employed. Hate your boss, you better write it down and burn it because now of days, everything is traceable on the web...EVERYTHING!
Have more tips? Leave a comment or share your experience with gossip in the workplace below.
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